I want to be a Mary!!!

The Bible says take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

Psalms 37:4

Today I'm dealing with conquering my fear that causes me to try to control.

God is always there, he is a constant. He cannot be stolen, lost, no one can keep him for me. God will never turn me down. He never has a bad day or is too tired to listen. God is trustworthy and will never let me down. God will never steer me wrong. God will never let anyone hurt me without coming to my rescue. There's no fear of loss and putting my faith in God because he will never leave me. Fear brings about the need to control...There is peace not fear when I put my faith in God. There is no need for control and manipulation when you are with God because he is in control.

What do I need to control when God is in charge?

Nothing! 

What do I have control over?

Nothing, except how much time and faith I give to God....

Ironically, my relationship with God is the only thing I really have control over but yet right now in my life it seems to be the only thing I'm not trying to control. 

So if I make my relationship with God the most important thing to me, not myself and protecting myself from pain, 

not my spouse or the worry my marriage will fail, 

not my kids and my fear I will lose them somehow, 

but God, El Roi (the one who sees), Jehovah Rohi ( the Lord my shepherd), Jehovah-Elohim ( the majestic, omnipotent God), my protector and who has my best interest at heart, the one who before I was born knew me and approved of me (Jer 1:5), and the one who knows the plans he has for me and THEY ARE GOOD PLANS ( Jer 29:11).

If I make God the most important then as long as I have him I will be okay. I can have peace in the fact that I will never lose him and if I delight in him he will give me the desires of my heart. My desires are not to be free of trials and difficulties because those are what keep me at the feet of Jesus what is my desire is to learn, grow and help others with the knowledge I have gotten from those trails so that those things I went through will not be in vain.  

Trials are there to remind me that I'm a Mary not a Martha. Sometimes I try to be Martha because the world tries to make me feel guilty for not being busy, productive, thirty, efficient but my true peace and comfort comes from being at Jesus' feet. My true Comfort comes in being the person that God designed me to be.

So I prayed this morning.

God,

Make my relationship with you the most important thing to me. Make me disciplined to spend time with you all the time. Make my need for you more than my husband, my kids, my family, my service, my housework. Make me a Mary because my heart is to be a Mary. This world tries to make me be a Martha, but I'm at Mary. When I try to become Martha, I'm irritable, unfocused, unpeaceful, controlling, and fearful because I am not your feet. Teach me that at your feet there is peace, not fear. At your feet, I can lay down my fears and know that because I'm there giving my whole heart to You, You will give me the desires of my heart. I am sorry for choosing what the world wanted which is a Martha. I want to be a Mary.